Tough Love - Pure Light 1111

Tough Love


There is a feeling across the Twin Flame collective of a kind of internal make or break within.  Can you truly choose self-love or do you allow yourself to lose the inner battle to overcome your demons.

Addictions are at the forefront here.  Can you slay them and choose to live or are you already waving the white flag of surrender and allowing them to win the battle and devour you whole!

Addictions are at root a big shiny sign that points to I DON’T LOVE MYSELF, I’M NOT WORTHY OF LOVE, I DON’T’ DESERVE LOVE, I AM A VICTIM.  They are the equivalent of walking around with a pacifier/dummy hanging out of our mouths.

We haven’t owned the abandoned, injured wounded parts of ourselves, we have denied them and have turned to pacifying methods through food, sleeping around, drugs, alcohol and whatever else eases the inner feeling of emptiness, pain and unease.

The addictions are never the root cause.  There is often trauma, grief, neglect (by self and others), childhood attachment wounding and a lifelong trail of dysfunctional relationships scattered along the path.  Whilst you are using any kind of addiction to numb yourself in life you aren’t really living.  Never fully present.  Blocked off from true emotional vulnerability and intimacy that is needed to experience a healthy loving interdependent relationship.  When addictions are part of a relationship it’s a farce, like two people wearing masks.  Never truly knowing the depths of each other’s hearts and souls as they are so disconnected themselves that they have lost the awareness of who they truly are.

To overcome any addiction or break any pattern there has to be a personal CHOICE AND DECISION TO LIVE.  Without this true choice they will not reach the point of being focussed enough to make the changes needed to turn their lives around.  For some they need to practically kill themselves to get to that point.

I am seeing a pattern of Twin Flames who are choosing their own self-love, respect and desire for a happy fulfilled life as a priority.  Making a choice to leave their addict counterparts to continue to press the self-destruct button however they choose.  It’s a lesson in detachment and knowing that you can’t force someone to heal, you can’t force someone to change and you can’t do it for them either.  Sometimes the most loving form of tough love is to stop being the enabler and allow that person to swim in their own mess, letting them know you will no longer be there to keep fishing them out and rescuing them.  They have to make a choice of whether they want to remain on this planet and that you respect the choice either way.  However for your own protection, self-love and respect you are removing yourself from the situation as it’s no longer in your highest and best good to be pulled down constantly by someone who seems more focussed on self-destruct that what they came here to do in this lifetime.

It calls us to really step into our own power to make these decisions.  We have to have strong boundaries of what we will and will not have in our lives.  It’s making a stand.  Consider these statements of healthy boundaries and deal breakers whether they refer to a Twin Flame or any partner in your life.

  • I will not tolerate having a partner in my life who (insert- takes drugs, drinks, who isn’t monogamous, who cheats, who gambles, who lies, who is selfish, is jealous or controlling).
  • I will not have a partner in my life who makes myself, children, pets feel unsafe due to their risk taking behaviour.
  • I will not have a partner in my life who is not prepared to do the deep healing work to overcome their addictions.
  • I will not have a partner in my life who’s addictions and negativity are pulling me away from carrying out my life purpose/Divine Timing.  (Mission becomes more of a focus than playing someone’s mother/nurse/pacifier/life raft).
  • I will not support a partner or enable a partner to hurt themselves by carrying out co-dependent actions such as (buying them drink/drugs/paying their gambling debts/financially supporting them so they avoid taking accountability of their life and continue in their self-destructive patterns).
  • I will not tolerate being shouted at or sworn at by a partner.
  • I will not tolerate any form of physical, emotional, sexual abuse from a partner.  This includes marital rape.

The list could go on and on.  These become the boundaries we set for ourselves of what behaviour is acceptable and what is not regardless of whether someone is a Twin Flame or not.  We must know that whether there are addictions involved or not.  Your boundaries are the guard to your safety, self-love and self-respect.  Never let anyone knock those down!

For some they are confusing unconditional love with a belief that this means they must become a sacrificial lamb and door mat for this elusive attainment of believing they love someone unconditionally.  It’s like the spiritual connotations have allowed many to accept quite unacceptable things to manifest in their lives as they allow boundaries to be crossed as for some reason they feel unconditional love means they also have to accept unconditional behaviour- IT DOESN’T!    To note, you can unconditionally love someone as a soul at a distance if their behaviour in your life (the 3D) is not respectful, loving or you feel unsafe.  You ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE IN WHO YOU ALLOW INTO YOUR LIFE.

Something to consider here is that many are clinging to the façade of the Twin Flame hype and desperately wanting the romantic happy ending with counterparts who for whatever reason are not in a place to step up to the plate.  In doing so those clinging on in vain are sacrificing their boundaries, wellbeing and remains of self-love and scraps of self-esteem for a fantasy future.  Forgetting that we still need to live and create in the present moment.  If it’s not making you happy NOW.  Then NOW IS THE TIME TO TAKE ACTION!

Part of that action is to start doing much deeper healing work.  Looking at why you choose to love a man or woman who is unable to love you back (as too consumed by their addiction).  Why you have attracted someone who due to their addictions is emotionally unavailable.  Why you handed over your happiness/sanity and put it into the hands of an addicted partner.  Why you choose the hope of receiving a few crumbs of love/affection from someone else and neglected to give it to yourself.  Hints:  Looks to childhood bonding wounds, childhood trauma/abuse, soul core wounding- unworthiness of love.

The root of all of this is ALL IN YOU.  Self-love is always the answer.  When we always pull back to this point, we regain our power and equilibrium.  Self-love and care are our strong foundations.  You have to do this for yourself first not last after the long list of people and tasks in life!  How can you attract a healthy loving interdependent relationship with a partner if you don’t first have it with yourself.  You can’t.  Energetically like attracts like.  The key is always to go within.

If you want to go deeper in your healing.  Take a look at The Twin Flame healing Program here (£150):

Love and blessings


Read more here about addictions on the Twin Flame Journey…

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