I stumbled across the above photo a few days ago. It was taken in 2016 when I volunteered for a homeless shelter.
Little did I know that signing up for this good cause would send me into the depths of dark night of the soul & an inner crisis I want even prepared for!
The chaos started to simmer a few days before I was due to attend. The nightmares & finding myself in lower realms as I slept.
Then one night the anxiety came! It was like nothing I had ever experienced before & my heart was literally leaping out of my chest as though my life was at risk.
I tried to breath through it & got up & move about. Trying to calm myself down.
My thoughts were suddenly flooded with a scenario that as I was just starting to set up my spiritual business that I would be rejected by my friends, colleagues & society. I then realised it would mean without that I wouldn’t be able to work & would end up homeless!!
My mind was racing and my body ached. It was as though fear was completely consuming me.
My mind went into over drive as the flash backs of lifetimes of being a child slave in India appeared. I’d had my right ankle cut off by my master as it meant I’d earn more money through pity!
To add to this I connected the dots! I had recently recovered from a broken ankle from rolling over on it in a circuits class!
I could see that it was a past life that had been triggered & the unresolved trauma was now manifesting in my present life. First the broken ankle. Next being homeless!!
This was thankfully a time when I had gathered the tools I later included in my Online Twin Flame Healing Program. I was able to firstly clear my energy as I knew in that state I was not grounded & also open for entity attachment.
I then muscle tested to see if I was in Dark night of the soul. I was. The realisation of the open past life along with the upcoming time at the homeless shelter had triggered my soul into panic that I would be about to face the same fate! I took myself out of dark might of the soul and in seconds my whole system relaxed.
It was at that point that I knew it was a warning. Always to address triggers and their root when they arise otherwise they will emerge & cause havoc at any opportune moment.
I was guided that I must have my money story transformed & key past lives resolved before launching my business.
I was able to dig into the money fears. Firstly looking at timelines of slavery & spiritual persecution. After all, these wounds were coming up as I was about to get very visible with my healing gifts. This hadn’t always had a happy ending in other lifetimes.
I then dug into the family matrix & the ancestral programming. Finding I had agreed to clear my parents money karma & that it was their ‘stuff’ that was limiting me & not my own. Having the conscious awareness of this meant I was able to do the karmic entanglement clearing & rescind all karma & agreements keeping me tied to unhealthy patterns.
I was then shown by my galactic team that I needed to also clear this from my holographic matrix. Which brought about further gifts of psychic surgery as these programs/traumas/imprints & technology had multiple layers & even agendas to reinstate some of these like booby traps!
I was on an initiation. One that served me well as it opened up my library of reference to straight away get to the root of others issues in all areas of their lives and businesses.
I was able to track back through the different trauma events that blocked me from receiving. Where I had ultimately not trusted love and support as the key people who should have been providing that, my parents, betrayed it.
I was able to see how the mother, father traumas were also at soul level linked back to beliefs about the creator & the universe. How literally everything connected back there.
Money growing up was about power, control & abuse. My father held the money card & we had to tread of egg shells to receive. Well I never wanted to play that game. So I decided at 14 to get a part time job. I didn’t want to have to ask for pocket money. I didn’t want to feel like a fly in a trap knowing that everything was a toxic dance & that he held the power to say no.
He was a violent narcissist & I know my spiritual team fully supported me in making my first huge leap into self empowerment. So I could leave the abusive environment where I would be punched in the face for speaking or targeted as the black sheep of the family by my narcissistic parents who rather than facing their own issues, ganged up on me.
So my first steps into self empowerment came at 14 years old. I got a part time job. This led to a summer job waitressing age 15 years old. Which is when I had my first taste of money & the freedom it gave me.
I would earn £150 for a few days work. Meaning I no longer needed to ask my parents for anything. I bought my own clothes, my train tickets, my food whilst I was away from the house & anything else I needed.
Rather than this stunting me in anyway. It elevated me. I realised that no amount of money would make me stay in an abusive situation. I could never be bought!
The escape happened a month after my 18th birthday. I had got a job on a Sales team for an Insurance company, paid for my driving lessons, bought a car & I moved out of home. Not even sharing my address with them. I knew it was a choice. Stay in their toxic reality or create something very different for myself.
Within a year I was working for a Investment bank & moved into my first flat living on my own. Freedom came from financial independence. I could choose to live my life however I wanted.
My dance with money had many different patterns through my twenties. Clothes shopping addictions to pick up my mood. Taking money for granted.
Not respecting money the more I made was a biggie! This played out at age 25 when I was head-hunted for a job & negotiated a big pay jump & guaranteed bonus. Which meant I was paid a £27k bonus (on top of my salary) a few months after starting a new job! This just added to the double parallel beliefs I was running! One where money is ever abundant & there for me always. To the small minded fear vibration I experienced having to become financially independent as a teenager! Although it was years behind me the fear was playing out in the background.
All of this money story had to be transformed before I started my business as it was a fear based recipe for cycles of feast & famine. The underlying traumas and connections tied amongst my father/power abuse & money would have kept me playing small. Small and insignificant in the way he wanted the whole family to be. Subservient.
It would have leaked into my business like a sickness & had me become a slave to hustle & trading time for money. All coming from a fear imprinting around true divine abundance and that I was worthy, capable & able to command it.
For many of you this story will resonate as you have found yourself swimming in circles, avoiding money conversations, not investing in yourself or your business as you truly don’t belief in your worth or ability get a return on investment.
Stop for a moment- process that.
You don’t invest money in yourself or your business advancement – as you don’t believe you can achieve the monetary return if you invest in YOU!
Complete madness belief systems that many women hold! If anything by investing in ourselves, our growth, healing our money story & taking new action to release ourselves from toxic behaviours around money- we are always going to get a return on investment!
If you are ready to free yourself from your money story, step into your power, upgrade yourself, your brand & your business.
Then book a Discovery call today & let’s see how the Awakened Feminine Soulpreneur Business Coaching can help transform you!