I see all arrays of interaction throughout my clients lives. I have also danced amongst many different approaches to relating with myself and others on my own journey.
The awakening path brings up the often unconscious patterning we developed from childhood. Those ways we betrayed our own true divine nature, needs and voices. All to pacify or accommodate someone else. To fit in, to be liked, to keep safe or to receive scraps of elusive conditional love. Anything to keep from feeling the deep abyss within longing for an unfulfilled need to be loved.
These patterns often happen at such a young age they are ingrained as a way of being, so much so we believe them to be part of us. Our young childhood minds quickly separate the shocks and traumas of all the slights, rejections, disappointments. The times we needed comfort, touch, to be listened to, played with and cherished. Packing away these painful reminders of the empty abyss within to an contained part within our mind and cellular/pain body. Allowing us to survive and keep going in the best way we could when our basic needs weren’t being met.
We weren’t being taught how to love ourselves, care for ourselves and really truly value the beauty and brilliance in ourselves. As often we were under the care of teachers who hadn’t learnt how to themselves.
How many of you grew up in families were any of these dynamics played out?
- Children should be seen and not heard.
- Dad’s didn’t cuddle or play with their children. They were the money makers and it was the mothers role to look after the children.
- Mother and father weren’t truly emotionally mature enough to be parents or didn’t want children in the first place. They were too consumed by their own illusions to be present in the way the needed to be as parents.
- You didn’t feel protected by a parent.
- Parents who had a favourite (golden child) and scapegoat (the black sheep). Where they would project their own inner unhappiness and hatred on to one member of the family rather than facing their own issues (this is known as triangulation).
- Did you grow up having to take care of your younger siblings. Taking on the role and responsibility as the parent when in fact you were still a child. Learning to bypass your own needs. Be hyper-vigilant to keep everyone safe. Often this role pulls us into the drama triangle role of rescuer and victim. Swinging between over achieving perfectionism to keep things in control. As being in control was so strongly wired to your survival. To feeling overwhelmed and unsupported.
- You were shut down, ignored, hit or emotionally/physically abused for speaking out or sharing your wants, desires, ideas or needs.
- You were given material things but didn’t get love shown in other ways e.g cuddles, quality time etc.
- Parents were unreliable or inconsistent in their behaviour towards their children. Making it hard to trust in the people who act as a template for how you perceive the rest of the world to be whilst a young child. Your parents and their treatment of you literally cultivates your view of the world and how you expect to be treated.
Many of our ways of relating in our adult relationships all span back to our childhood wounding. We created dysfunctional ways of coping and relating as they were often a survival measure incorporated into our repertoire of connecting with the world. To keep us safe. Of the list above I experienced nearly all of these and it was a huge test of strength to not only overcome those experiences but also to unpick how they were sabotaging my adult relationships. One thing I learnt at the young age of 18 was that you never have to stay in any situation that is disrespectful to your soul, where you feel unsafe or is unloving towards you. I moved out of home at 18 and cut contact fully with my parents a couple of years later. I realise in life that regardless of what label you put on a connection whether it’s parent, boyfriend, husband or friend. No level of perceived obligation will keep me from leaving a situation that is not healthy for me. I don’t take responsibility for trying to change others or expecting, hoping or wanting them to. That’s their journey not mine. The change is always within me. It started a path of self-discovery that I expect to continue till I leave this plane.
The awakening journey is ultimately a journey of self. Taking us inwards. Allowing us to re connect with the pain we hold trapped within us from all the experiences of our childhoods so we can acknowledge them and start shedding everything that is not a truth and really no longer serves us. Often the pain of trying to hold these suppressed emotions within us is more painful than allowing ourselves to feel and finally face them. The release you get in moving through this process and literally unchaining yourself from the past is the sweetest thing ever. Even if you feel like you have walked through fire once more to do it. The result is inner peace. The act of healing these pieces is an act of self love. By making a stance to heal from your childhood and step into the self parent role. You are literally reparenting yourself and in doing so you transform everything in your life experience including your relationship with self and others.
There’s a lot of short cuts and bypassing I see around healing from our childhood wounding. It’s often the area I see a huge amount of denial around. People may have been fed and had basic needs of a home, clothes and material things provided for them. They weren’t physically or sexually abused. So they find it hard to connect with the inner part of them that didn’t have their need to be loved met. It’s easier to overlook that period of their experiences and kid themselves all was fine.
You can’t hide from these wounds. They literally rule you till you take on that reparenting role. I see this in clients who will project their unresolved father issues against a male boss in the office. Often resulting in them regressing to the childhood state of little girl and crying when being given feedback.
Another situation I see that is common is in our romantic relationships. Childhood wounding will run rife when you bring together two adults who haven’t worked on these pieces or aren’t at least trying to do their shadow work. Power struggles, control, emotional manipulation, avoidance, fear and anxiety are common. Communication is one of the most important things in relationships. It builds trust, creates intimacy, opens the connection to deeper ways of exploring the bond and ultimately allows us to be consciously present and an active partner in the relationship. Yet when you have grown up in an environment where no one spoke their truth or when you did you were judged, punished, ignored, it’s very easy to bypass communicating your needs. Meaning people will often supress, neglect, betray themselves as they won’t speak out in relationships. Which just triggers the deep childhood wounds at root to these patterns.
I work with many people going through awakenings. For those with a Twin Flame or Divine partner. There is the added fun and games of the energetics between partners in these connections. They will feel each other so acutely that they will trigger each others woundings. They each bring a gift of an energetic mirror bringing that which needs to be swiftly healed to the surface. A fast track initiation for them both.
These connections truly are a gift. If you can work together and recognise what is happening then heal and release whatever comes up. The potential for the couple to go deeper into expansive depths of exploration and soul growth is possible if they can ride these waves together. The key here is recognising that what is being triggered now between the two of you is nearly 100% of the time nothing to do with the now. The triggers relate to childhood wounds, soul core wounding, fear of the feminine power and often a fear of annulation by them, fear of surrendering to the masculine, old dark motherhood/fatherhood wounding and past lives playing out. I recommend that my clients learn how to communicate that they have been triggered and need time to go and re-balance that they still love their partners and aren’t in anyway abandoning/rejecting them but they just need time out for themselves. I then recommend that they use the SOS Bounce back from overwhelm clearing to reset themselves. Then do some digging on what is really playing out and work through it and clear it rather than project any fear, blame and shame against the partner. Daily energy clearing is also so important to help keep balance energetically between the pair. If one is going through deep shadow or trauma work this can derail their counterpart as it will lower their vibration as everything is felt.
The relationship with self is the key place to start. Getting to a place where you understand your own needs and have a good inner dialogue with what you will say yes or no to is the place to start. You have to align to your own needs and understand what is truly in integrity with your desires, boundaries, values and path. Asking yourself does this decision or choice mean I am compromising my boundaries for another? How does this make me feel? Does this make me feel good? Does this take me closer to my path and purpose or does this take me away from it? How can I express my feelings so that a compromise is met that is in alignment with my values? What is my sacred No and where is that line drawn?
What is my sacred Yes? What do I need to feel safe, open, receptive and happy to say Yes in relationship situations? If we understand more of these within ourselves we will feel more confident in holding good boundaries and creating positive outcomes in our relationships. This isn’t to say that there won’t be disagreements. It’s meaning that both parties can be authentically heard knowing they are still loved and accepted regardless of what is said. It’s about being open to expressing ourselves even if we are scared. Often it’s in these situations that we open up to deeper depths of love and acceptance when we share our truth. It’s just old childhood fear programming trying to make you small and insular to keep you safe.
If you are ready to look at the subconscious beliefs you have taken on from your childhood experiences. Shifting them to help change your reality. Dig deeper into inner child healing including regression and soul fragment retrieval to heal the traumas you have suffered. Step into the souls higher perspective of these situations seeing the lessons and getting to a place of forgiveness so you can move forwards with your life. Then take a look at The Twin Flame Healing program here. To add this program isn’t just for Twin Flames this is for anyone who wants to heal themselves and create a soul aligned life!
Love and blessings