Co dependency - The addiction of fake love - Pure Light 1111

Co dependency – The addiction of fake love


Using the universal laws to help you!

People are very familiar with the law of attraction but less so about some of the other universal energetic laws.

A few months after I started my awakening I activated the law of truth.  I was about to take attunements for a healing modality and part of the pre-work was to set my intentions around what I wanted and also the support I needed.  Try it for yourself if you are guided to (say out loud 3x).

I made the soul intention to  release myself from all those who wish intent full harm against me, those who could not be happy for me, those who were only in my life due to past or present life co-dependency contracts, agreements and illusions.  Plus all those who would be a block or obstacle to me carrying out my true life purpose and creating a life where I would be soulfully fulfilled.

Then the fun began!  I was swiftly shown the truth in all my relationships and situations around me.  It gave me a fresh perspective and also in seeing the highest truth of a situation.  I knew in my heart that I couldn’t have certain people around me once I had seen some of this information.  It allowed me to look at things differently and realised that if I continued to remain in situations like this I would ultimately be lying to myself.  It was a true act of self-love that my soul had guided me to follow.

Your intentions are calling signals and when phrased correctly activate the relevant universal laws.  There are many different ways of doing this.  I will provide some here.

If you are feeling like things are stagnant or you just aren’t happy but can’t seem to find the gumption to leave an unhealthy situation, pattern or person.  Often it’s because we haven’t seen the full picture of what is happening.  Often when we gain this clarity we are ignited with the strength and courage to create change.  Also often we are in a repeating pattern because we are still trying to learn soul lessons.  If you know what the lesson is, you can complete it.  Resolve the outstanding energy that is keeping in the same repeating cycle with a soul allowing you to move forwards with your life in a way that brings you joy.

Many are still stuck in karmic soulmate situations.  They have run from their Twin flames and found themselves entangled in yet another toxic situation.  Are you ready to learn what is causing you to continue to attract the same scenario?  Karmic soulmate relationships ultimately bring you the soul lesson of self love and forgiveness.  You find yourself in a relationship that is so incredibly soulless that it takes you inwards to fight to save your own soul and leave.  The problem is karmic soulmates come wrapped in silver shiny packaging, the karmic pull you feel will be addictive, passionate, obsessive and intoxicating.  You believe this is love but it’s the opposite.  Karmic soulmates are the ones who have inflicted murder, severe trauma, torture, deprivation against us in past lives and it’s this strong emotional energetic charge that pulls us towards them so that we can resolve the unfinished business.  It’s not love!  It’s all a façade.  In learning to truly love yourself you pull the mask off your karmic partner and see them and your dynamic for what it truly is.

These relationships have a pattern and will often contain the following:

  • Narcissism. On the surface these relationships may appear Instagram perfect but under the surface everyone is wearing a mask.  They are all actors who forgot to stop playing the characters when they came off stage.  They believed their own hype and their romantic partner becomes their best fan and supporting audience.  They feed off the believed adoration from their partner.  Someone who always believes they are right will choose a partner who rarely challenges this.  They choose a weaker, submissive partner so they can control them.  It’s a soul less relationship as there is never any truth, honesty or intimacy.  The roots of this narcissism are childhood attachment wounds and some are so deep that unless a person hits rock bottom they won’t seek the help needed to heal them.
  • Secrets and lies.  The relationship is built on fear of others truly knowing what is going on.  There’s layers of lies and often a huge fear about being seen for truly what is going on.  So an excess of energy is put into putting on a mask/front in their public persona as a couple.  Guilt, shame, blame and regret are common and wear each person down.  Making some resigned to the fact they believe they can do no better than live a lie.
  • Co-dependency (manifests in some kind of dependency on each other which again is believed to be love but is the opposite).  Often alcohol, sex addiction, sexual deviance, love addiction, drug abuse will all be part of the parcel of these kinds of relationships.
  • Control and power issues.  Often one partner will have a huge amount of power over the other (one controls the money, makes all the decisions, manipulates the belief system of the other person to make them feel like no one else can provide the sex/love/acts of service).  So they create dependency which makes them believe that no one else in the whole world understands or accepts them in the way this person does.  Again this is an illusion which is broken when you get to know yourself.
  • Stockholm syndrome.  Often there is pain/pleasure/abuse and fear linked into this toxic dance.  You know this person isn’t good for you but you are scared of what they might do to you, a child or themselves if you leave them.  You are being programmed to keep in their good books- often by behaving in a certain way, buying them gifts, giving them money or particular acts of service to keep them happy.  They may also manipulate you saying they will commit suicide etc if you left them.  Which is actually a way of causing trauma in a person, especially if there have suffered bonding wounds (attachment wounds eg abandonment or fear of rejection).  This kind of cycle when you try to leave actually triggers these deep set wounds and keeps you trapped and tied to them.  In these dances one person becomes both the source of love and pain leaving someone treading on egg shells and often emotionally disassociated.
  • Boundaries. Often there are none or they are dysfunctional.  Like a wife saying to her husband – you can do anything you want with me sexually (handing over her personal boundaries/self-respect and safety).  Another example is a woman telling her husband he can do anything he wants within the confines of their relationship (sleep with others, prostitutes, continue any addictions e.g. alcohol abuse and substances, gambles) as long as he provides financially for her.  She essentially not only prostitutes herself but also opens herself up to many risks due to her partners actions.  She has zero self-love or respect for herself and this is often mirrored by the other partner with his addictions to numb his inner emptiness and pain.  He too has no love or respect for himself or her.  She isn’t loving him and wanting the best for him by allowing him to do what he wants.  It’s not coming from a place of freedom and love.  It’s coming from a place of CODEPENDENCY, as she is actually enabling him.  Not loving him.  Her support of the destructive behaviours are so he doesn’t leave her but what she is actually doing is supporting him in killing himself through his addictive, deviant and often risk taking behaviours.
  • Enabling. This is when someone supports the other in their addictive, self-neglectful, abusive actions.  However, it’s not just the addict who’s acting out who has a problem here.  It’s also the enabler.  The one who enables is often just as much of an addict, but it manifests in a deep desire of needing to needed, rescuing, self-sacrifice, turning a blind eye, having no boundaries, not speaking out to not rock the boat and denial.  They don’t have the inner strength or self-love to break the co-dependent pattern either and are often high on the toxic dance of perceived love (or the drama that ensues when their love object withdraws their attention and then they have to work hard to regain it).  Often further degrading themselves along the way.  Self-respect left the scene years ago!
  • The drama triangle is fully running (rescuer, victim and persecutor).  Often each person will cycle into playing these roles with each other
  • Doubting yourself.  The pair become enmeshed in each other’s illusions that it’s hard to detach and see the situation clearly.  It comes down to poor energetic boundaries.  Not know what is your and what is mine.
  • Lack of self-esteem and lack of self-love.  This all connects to the core wounds of unworthiness.  I spoke to one man who said he didn’t believe he deserved someone nice in his life.  So, he continued to settle for crumbs in his relationships.  Manifesting people who proved his own inner unworthiness of love and having a healthy intimate relationship in his life.
  • Love addiction.  The push/pull and feeling like you can’t live with a person or without them.  Addicted to the rows and the making up.  It’s ultimately an addiction to drama and chaos.  At root it’s a clear sign of an avoidance of intimacy and attachment wounds.  Whilst all the drama is going on it’s a smoke screen and distraction from true intimacy.  Hormones such as adrenaline, cortisol and oxytocin confuse the situation as they fill our bodies with a cocktail of stimulants that make us feel the need to love and bond in a highly stressful, fear inducing situation.  In some cases, this is related to trauma bonding.  So, underlying we are bonding due to survival and fear due to this frequent pattern of drama and chaos.  Whilst going through this dance we also attach to the other person as our source of love (this is called object relations).   It basically means we have attached to the person as our only source of love (similar to a child bonding with their mother 0-18 months old).  However, this is an unhealthy adult attachment and causes someone to re-enact separation trauma every time they feel the other person withdraw or try to leave them.
  • Dishonesty and manipulation.  I have seen some pretty shocking tactics people have used to control and manipulate in these situations.  The worst have been a woman stopping taking the pill to get pregnant when her partner tried to leave her.  Which resulting in him marrying her for the sake of the child.  I have also seen a man who took an overdose of sleeping pills when his girlfriend told him she was going to a ballet class on a Saturday morning with a friend rather than staying in bed with him.
  • Choosing a partner who is emotionally unavailable.  They may be physically with you but emotionally they are unreachable.  The may say the right words but they lack sincerity and depth lets you know it’s lip service.  Often our own emotional unavailability attracts others who mirror this though it may be demonstrated in a different way.
  • Losing touch with what is healthy.  If I relayed some of the stories I have heard many would be shocked.  However, what I have always said is that whilst these people are in these situations they have lost touch with true reality as they are caught up in the illusion.  After they leave the situation and heal it’s often a huge wake up call to see quite how their life was playing out.

If any of this is resonates with you it’s because your higher self has helped you find this post and wanted you to read it as something here is a message for you.

Key things to ask yourself.

  • Is my current situation/relationship something I would want for my son or daughter?
  • What advice would I give my best friend if there were in my situation?
  • If I was told I have 1 year to live would I stay in my current situation or would I break free and create what happiness I could in my daily life?

Staying in a relationship like this is ultimately a test of self-love.  Loving yourself, your body, mind and soul enough to believe you deserve something better than chaos and illusion masquerading as love.  Not everyone is strong enough to get to that place.  So as the law of Karma determines they will just be back again next time round for another bash as unpicking the same puzzle again!  This is how these relationships started out in the first place. The lessons just weren’t mastered and resolved.  There’s no judgement here.

The catch is that just leaving a relationship like this isn’t the only challenge.  It’s about healing the parts of you, your inner wounds and soul core wounds which kept you attracting those same people again and again.

For those on the Twin Flame journey.  Co-dependency can’t be part of these relationships.  I see many try and fail as both are too caught up in their own illusions and desire to be with their Twin Flame that they haven’t seen that they have missed all the learning and healing along the way.  So if we don’t heal these pieces we can’t have a healthy interdependent relationship.  This is the bottom line as we will just find ourselves recreating the same relationship patterns.  So my advice is to start facing these wounds, changing your beliefs about self-love, boundaries, self-respect and being able to meet your own needs.  Healing the drama triangle wounds and getting to a place where you are strong enough to be on your own as you feel whole and fulfilled within.  Meaning you aren’t using others as a love life raft.  It’s at that point you will no longer attract the chaos and drama as you no longer hold the beliefs and wounds that attract it.  It means you and your Twin Flame will be able to have a healthier relationship in the 3D as you won’t be projecting all your unmet needs onto them and then blaming them if they don’t meet them.  Essentially, we are called to heal the injured inner child and grow up emotionally an integrate all the wounded parts.

If you are in a co-dependent relationship, it’s often hard to see the wood for the tree’s.  This is where it’s useful to get support from a professional who can assist you and also clear the energetics and deep wounds surrounding the dance.  If you would like to have a 121 session, they can be booked through my website here:

So how can the energetic laws help you?  Here are some actions you can take which will help bring truth and a resolution to your situation that is in the highest soul good for all involved.

Firstly, write the following 3x in a journal.  Then say out loud 3x.

I call forth and invoke the Divine archangels, my guides, teachers and angels.  I call forth and invoke the law of truth to be activated in my life now for the highest soul good of all.  I request that I be shown the truth in my relationship with my romantic partner, myself, my family and all friendships and associates in my life.  I ask that all those who do not have my highest and best interests at heart be shown to me in a way that I can clearly recognise and that I be given support, discernment and assistance in transforming my life to align to my highest possible joy, fulfilment and happiness in the highest and best way.  Instantly and immediately with love and ease in the highest and best way.  Thank you it is done.  Thank you it is done. Thank you it is done.

If you use raw cacao.  You would also create this into a ceremony of intention.  Asking for what you want to release and asking for what you would like to bring into your life.  Activating the universal laws throughout your requests.

If you are following the Twin Flame Healing program.  Use the Past life Road blocks meditation and ask the following:

  • Show me the root situation and lifetime that has brought this karmic soulmate into my life.  Close all soul lessons.  Clear all unjustified karma, pain, shock, trauma and illusions between you both.  Ask for this to be done in the highest and best way for all parties involved.
  • Take me to the root trauma and lifetime which caused my pattern of co-dependency in this lifetime.  Close all soul lessons.  Clear all unjustified karma, pain, shock, trauma and illusions between you both.  Ask for this to be done in the highest and best way for all parties involved.
  • Take me to the root lifetime which is keeping me trapped and bound in karmic loops with my karmic soulmate (insert their name).  Close all soul lessons and contracts.  Clear all unjustified karma, pain, shock, trauma and illusions between you both.  Ask for this to be done in the highest and best way for all parties involved

Use the following pdf and mp3 meditations.  Read the ebook first for the conscious awareness and then complete the mp3 clearing:

  • Journey of the soul-core wound, relationship with the creator and separation from your Twin Flame Healing
  • The drama triangle Twin Flame Clearing Meditation
  • Re-parenting yourself and looking after the temple – self-care meditation

Love and blessings

Allera xx

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